DubShrek
by Vernore
Summary: When Alex is faced by a dangerous Farquaad, he and Shrek must fight back to preserve the very Shrekoning of the world. Shrek is dub, Shrek is step. No explicit content. Extreme Shrek puns. One-shot.


**DubShrek**

Alex plucked the strings on his guitar as his adjacent hand simultaneously manipulated its fingers over the other ends of the strings releasing tone after tone to create a harmony of sound. While doing so, he moved his waist to keep the plastic ring surrounding him in motion. This feat of coordination has earned him quite an audience, though not all the spectators are enjoying his performance.

A man began to approach the performer. Unaware of the nearing threat, Alex begins to play "All Star" by Smash Mouth. "Why are you playing _that_?!" the man says in a snickering voice. Alex stops playing and looks up at the man that interrupted him.

"Because it will please Shrek" Alex replied calmly.

"Hahaha!" the man chuckles in a menacing tone. "Even an idiot like you should know that Shrek is drek!"

The insult sunk to the depths of Alex's mind as is rang over and over, though his belief in Shrek did not falter.

"Shrek, please" he whispers, desperately hoping for the ogrelord to respond. The Drek man bursts out laughing at how childish his plea was.

Suddenly the ground began to shake as the pungent scent of onions filled the crisp Manhattan air. Shrek bursts forth from the ground creating a dust cloud that settled revealing an infuriated ogrelord; the man now staring in shock at the ogreaggressive figure before him.

"NO MUSIC?!" Shrek roars. "OGRE MA' DEAD BODY!"

Shrek reaches into the hole from which he emerged and pulls out a jukebox. He immediately plays "All Star" by Smash Mouth turned up to eleven. The audience covers their bleeding ears as they receive an ogreload of music; the once snickering man now writhing in pain. The music is so powerful that it rips of the man's well-disguised mask revealing a Farquaad. It was all clear now; the insults, the snickering, the distaste for the music. He was one of Prince Charming's Royal Guard of Farquaads set out to rid the world of all Shrekoning. Alex would allow no such genocide to ever happen.

Now enraged by his deception, he reaches for a switch on the back of his guitar labeled "Dubstep Synthesizer" and flips it to "ON". He then reaches for the "Intensity" knob and turns it up to "Maximum Ogredrive". His guitar begins to emit an eerie, blue glow as the faint hum of electricity can be heard.

Without any warning, Alex flings his hand back and forth over the strings in a most articulate pattern. A deafening blast of dubstep shoots forth in glowing waves and pulses. The music is incredibly powerful as the Farquaad is slammed by wave after neon wave of dubstep. It ravages his body as it dissolves his limbs into tiny pixels; his own DNA being smashed into its individual atoms only to be blown away by massive bass wubs. His entire body dissolved into oblivion. The Farquaad was no more. It was all ogre.

Shrek turned to Alex as he reached into his back pocket. Shrek pulls his hand out revealing a golden onion.

"Take this lad." Shrek speaks softly as he holds his hand out. Alex was ogrejoyed and accepted his gift without any hesitation. Thanking Shrek for his generous gift.

"My time here is ogre. I must go now." Shrek said before leaping into the air to fly off into the sunset.

* * *

Prologue

/Alex POV/

I moved on in my life, continuing to play music around my beautiful city. I even earned a scholarship at a prestigious university of music. Thank you Shrek, you changed my life for the better. You will always be at the heart of my layers.

Shrek is love…

Shrek is life…

* * *

**A/N**

**There is truly nothing quite like ruining people's innocence with endless Shrek puns. This world is a dark place and there are somethings that should never see the light of day, but they still do anyways. I was tempted to write "Welcome to the internet" as the summary because it _would_ be an accurate description of the stuff in this story. Please review so I can see how your sanity is holding up;) And as always, remember it's not ogre...it's never ogre...**


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